When was the last time you just stopped what you were doing, turned off distractions, and just spent some real, quality time with your family? Or even just one-on-one time with a child?

I don’t know about you, but my mind and body have a tendency to be on full-throttle from the moment my alarm clock (a.k.a. my 3 YO) buzzes at me until the moment my head hits the pillow at around 11:30pm.

Wake up to 3YO dancing on my head, realize his night pull up leaked, change him, throw dirty pajamas in the hamper, realize hamper is full so grab laundry bag, throw in a load on the way downstairs, get breakfast going, pack lunches, wake up sleeping beauties, and on and on I go cycling through an arm’s length to-do list. As soon as one task is crossed off, another jumps on the list to take its place.

Sound familiar?

The upside is that it feels productive. That’s always nice, especially if your days are filled with chasing after unpredictable little people. We all need to feel like we’re accomplishing something.

The only problem is that it’s so easy to get so stuck in the doing that you stop being.

As a mom, I am frequently guilty of getting so caught up in the work-dinner-activity-grocery shopping-shuffle that I cheat my boys – and myself – out of the little moments. Moments where I’ve got 42 pounds of cuteness on my lap, a nose full of Burt’s Bees-scented hair, and am wondering aloud how on earth those pretty colors got inside that big glitter-filled ball as my son turns it around in his chubby fingers.

Over the past six months I’ve been making an effort to switch off the list-driven me at regular-ish intervals. The image above is from one of those moments with my little guy (we’re goofing off at a Monster Truck show).

Here are 6 tricks that are working really, really well.

Start your day with gratitude

Before heading downstairs to start the breakfast prep, I close my eyes and pick one thing about each family member that makes me feel really lucky. It takes about 30 seconds, but it has made a profound difference.

Sharing lunch packing duties with my better half

Put the question: “what kind of mom do I want to be today?” at the top of my physical to-do list

Try to get down on my knees and really look at my boys in their eyes when they ask me an earnest question about something

Limiting laundry duty to three days a week

Monday and Friday for the boys, Sunday for mom and dad.

Limiting screen time to Friday night

It’s a rule that keep ME from pushing the easy button too many times. My iPhone counts as a screen.

How about you? Do you get stuck in the busy-itis rut? I’m curious what kinds of things you do that snap you out of that go-go-go mode and center your attention on what’s truly important. Please share!

If you had asked me when I was twenty what I would be doing at forty, the answer would have been definitive: killing it at work. When I was in my twenties I imagined my forty year-old self doing big, important things, ideally on a global scale.

Instead I work in a sun-filled office just off the living room and right above the basement playroom. My power calls are sometimes interrupted by shrieks, tears, and occasionally throw up. My computer has a tiny peanut butter thumbprint on the top right of the screen that I can’t bring myself to wipe off. And well, I’m not the boss of anyone…but myself.

Somewhere in a wrinkle in time my twenty year-old self just shuddered. The very one who would have sworn I’d never, ever get married (and if I did, I’d wear black). And children? Fughetaboudit.

How did I get here? This is not my beautiful life…

I used to think “success” was the only thing that mattered. In my mind, it was a pretty linear deal – work long, hard, smart and go up, up, up as time marches inevitably on.

And then came the moment Will arrived. Time stopped and bent around this new little man. Linear equations suddenly exploded into non-linear chaos.

Today success means stopping work at 5:15 to make dinner and sitting down to eat as a family. It means being there when my six-year old sprints into my office after school with his brand new library book on volcanoes wanting me to read it. Right NOW. And being able to drop everything to do just that. It means being there to celebrate with some wacky Cotton Eyed Joe song when my three year old goes pee pee on the potty for the first time.

It also means making less money and being on a slower track than many of my peers.

What I understand today that I didn’t when I was twenty is that success has nothing at all to do with what you do for a living and everything to do with how you choose to live. It’s complex. Chaotic. Changing. As my children grow, my definition does, and will continue to shift.

Ultimately having children has taught me that the real measure of success is choosing to live in a way that aligns with what matters most to you. In the moments I am able to do that, life is rich indeed.

Thank God we grow up.

Agree? Disagree? Think I just torpedoed my chances at any high-powered position in the future?

“Me” time. Just the name of it sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

Perhaps that’s why so many people feel so guilty taking it. But while it may sound like an extravagance, it is actually absolutely essential to our well being.

Life Is Hectic

Our lives today are filled with stressors, from bad ones, like busy schedules and micromanaging bosses, to good ones, like getting married and buying a house. When confronted with stress, the body’s defenses kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight-or-flight” reaction. Your adrenal glands flood the system with adrenaline and cortisol, two hormones that help you prepare to take action (adrenaline) and then sustain it as long as needed (cortisol). It doesn’t matter if the danger is physical or psychological; your body reacts the same way when it encounters stressors of any kind.

This autonomic stress response isn’t bad in and of itself. It is what protects you from danger and is also the very thing that helps you perform well. It sharpens your concentration, helps you overcome procrastination, and keeps you alert while you’re performing.

The Downside of Stress

The problem comes when you have too much stress. When you are chronically stressed, your adrenal glands work overtime to pump out ever more adrenaline and cortisol. When that happens it impacts your body’s immunity, thyroid function, blood sugar levels, and even your ability to lose weight. The bottom line is: chronic stress causes major damage to your health, torpedoes your productivity, and generally diminishes your quality of life.
So, far from being selfish, “me” time is really about consciously turning down the volume on your stress reflex. Taking the time keeps you healthy, improves your creativity, your ability to be present, and is what enables you to “turn it on” again when you really need it.

Because we all have varying stress loads and thresholds, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to taking “me” time. Some people require more, others less. But here are four ideas for fitting it into a busy schedule.

1. Start Small.

If you are a hard-charging type who has never taken any “me time,” don’t try to become the paragon of balance overnight. If you do, it probably won’t stick. Try taking a fifteen-minute break once a week. Use the time to stretch, walk around the block, call a friend. Then gradually build up to fifteen minutes a day. We’ll bet you won’t want to stop there once you see how great it feels.

2. Schedule It In.

Most people we know who struggle to fit in the time for themselves don’t lock it into their schedule. Because life is full of proverbial fires, there is always something that will appear in the moment to be more important than recalibrating your stress levels. Don’t get caught in that trap. Set a time in your calendar and consider it as important as an appointment with your physician. Because it is.

3. Involve a Buddy.

Enlisting the help of a friend or loved one will help you on two levels, especially if you struggle with feelings of guilt for “selfishly” taking time to unwind. First, it adds a level of accountability. When you schedule something some down time with a friend, you are much less likely to cancel than you are just answering to yourself. Second, friends reduce our stress levels. A new study has shown that connecting with a good friend decreases your level of the stress hormone cortisol.

4. Turn off the Screens.

When the time to take your “me time” arrives, turn off your screens, phones, and the like. It’s counterproductive to try to decompress while things are binging and pinging at you and effectively reminding your adrenal glands that there are more important things to do (stress!).

Do you think me time is essential or extravagant? Do you take time for yourself? If so, how & when do you fit it in?

The minute your children start school, the requests for volunteer help start rolling in. And since there is nothing more critical than your child’s education, it can be very, very difficult to turn down the requests. After all, there is a definite correlation between active parental participation and school performance.

But getting it right is another matter.

Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, or work-outside-the-home, there’s just a boat-load of guilt that comes with this territory. You can feel guilty you’re not doing enough, guilty you’re doing too much and shortchanging your family of quality time…guilty for saying no…guilty for saying yes…

So what’s a mom to do?

Fundamentally it comes down to committing to do fewer things, better. When you take on too much, you don’t end up doing anything as well as you could. So, if you struggle to say no without guilt, here are five simple strategies to help:

1. Follow the rule of one

Allow yourself to participate in one volunteer event per school year. Do that one event well. Whenever someone asks you to pitch in, if it’s not the one you agreed to help with, simply say, “I’ve already committed to work on Project X and that’s all I can really take on this year.”

2. Put a policy in place

If you struggle to balance your checkbook, let’s face it, you’d make a lousy swim team treasurer! Make it a policy to only take on volunteer projects that are a good fit with your skill set. When someone asks you to lend a hand with something you’re not terribly good at, all you have to do is say something like, “Oh, I’m the wrong person to ask for help with that…I’d make a mess of it.” You can also make it a policy to only volunteer time that involves interaction with your children. Shelving the library books vs. chaperoning the school trip, for instance.

3. Beg for time

Swap your “sure, no problem” for “that sounds really interesting; let me think about it and get back to you.” Then use the time to determine whether or not you really want to take on the task.

4. Script some no responses in advance

Sometimes it’s easier to have a canned response than to figure out how to respond in the moment. A good one: “my heart says yes, but my calendar says no.” For over 1000 canned “no’s” check out our iNo app for iPhones.

5. Use email

If you feel the pressure to say yes in-person, use strategy #3 and then deliver your no via email or voicemail.

How do you say no to requests to volunteer? Do you feel guilty when you choose not to participate?

Children have a few simple, ironclad rules that help them navigate the crazy world they inhabit – and learn how to coexist nicely with others. As I played with my sons this evening before bedtime (that’s Lachlan in his box car above), I wondered – could the roughly ten or so commandments of their childhood be exactly what this busy, over-stressed mom needs to get her own life in order and buttoned up?

Food for thought.

Share your toys.

Seriously. Nothing is more fulfilling than watching your clutter-levels go down, and helping out your loved ones in the process. While cleaning a room, ask yourself how much you really use each item. If you can’t even remember the last time you used it, it might be time to let it find another owner. Ask relatives and friends if they’d like that cookie press, or espresso machine, or treadmill, and make someone’s day. Better yet, pick one item to give away each week. Wrap it up and send it to someone you love with a little note.

Have Recess Daily

Taking the time to go outside, even if it’s only to sit on your front porch for a few minutes, can do wonders for your stress levels. Allowing yourself “me time” is key to maintaining sanity in the midst of chaos. Taking a step back when you’re feeling frenetic allows you to see the big picture, and unleash creativity instead of giving into stress.

Don’t Pack Your Schedule Too Tightly

You can only do so much in one day. If you try to force yourself to handle too much, you’ll lose motivation, and more importantly, time. When kids hit a point at which they have had too much to do in one day, they have a meltdown. When grownups hit that point, the same concept applies. Limit your activities, focus on what is really important to get done, and you’ll find a happy medium between productivity and relaxation.

Don’t Take “No” for an Answer

Children are the best negotiators in the world. Think about it- whether it’s a puppy dog face, promises to clean their room, or running to ask daddy instead, kids have a multitude of ways to get what they want. Follow suit, and don’t take no for an answer- specifically, when it comes to answering to yourself. If you find yourself making excuses (“but I don’t have the time”, “but I’ve already done so much today”), get into the mindset that you’re not going to allow yourself to say “no” to the things that need doing.

Ask for Permission Before You Buy New Things

Remember the days when you were in the store and had to ask your parents to buy you that new doll you wanted? Go back to that mentality. Keep your impulse buys in check, and ask the more responsible side of yourself- do I really need this? can I afford this? is this going to be collecting dust?

Appreciate the Small Things

It doesn’t necessarily have to be sitting outside blowing bubbles, or watching a fuzzy caterpillar crawl around, but let yourself wonder at the simple things in life. Appreciating what you have in front of you instead of dreaming of the day when you’ll be able to take that trip to the Bahamas is going to make you much happier in the long run. Watch a sunset with your significant other, color with your children, and take pleasure in the simple, free things in life.

Limit Screen Time

When you were a kid, your older, wiser parents told you that too much TV rots your brain. So what happened to that mentality now that you’re supposed to be the older, wiser person? It’s alarming if you sit down to think about how much time is spent on the computer and watching TV. Cutting back on those two things will easily save you hours every week, giving you more time to focus on the important things.

Go to Bed Early

Whenever you can, skip the late night snack and your prime time show, and get some extra hours of sleep. You can’t function at your best without the extra vital hours of rest. Your body will thank you.

Clean up your Toys when you’re Done Playing With Them

After a relaxing night of vegging out on the couch watching movies, it can be hard to get up the motivation to fold the blanket, clean the popcorn, etc. But keeping the clutter under control before it begins is the best way to manage it. Be proactive about chores, and you’ll find that you aren’t overwhelmed later on.

Always Ask Why

Kids ask “why” constantly. They’re curious, and they want to get to the truth of the matter. Never be afraid to question things. If an area in your life seems to need improvement, or if you’re unsatisfied, ask why this is. Never be afraid to question habits or choices. That’s how you change and improve. Don’t get stuck in an unproductive lifestyle just because you’re afraid to question yourself.

Meet Michelle Slatalla.

I first heard of Michelle when I read her recent article in Real Simple Magazine called “10 Secrets Of An Unflappable Mom.” I knew right then she was a “Buttoned Up Girl” and reached out to her for an interview.

Michelle is a working mom.

She writes a column for the NY Times. She has 3 girls ages 21, 19 and 12 and while she currently lives in Mill Valley, CA, she will soon be moving to New York City.

Alicia: What is your philosophy for getting it all done?

Michelle: Mix everything up. Do not separate work and home life. Make it seamless. I am lucky enough to work from home and have done so for 15 years. It is a luxury. But as I am talking to you, I have a contractor in my house giving me bids. It makes multitasking much easier. Flexibility with work is also key as it enables you to layer different things into the same time period.
Don’t be hard on yourself and let things go in any given day.

Alicia: Do you keep a to do list?

Michelle: I keep a to do list on my iPhone in the form of a sticky note application. Any timeI have a few minutes I check my to dos to get something done. I type in the to dos on my phone and when I am done I delete the item which feels great!

Alicia: How do you feel about getting rid of stuff given your upcoming move?

Michelle: It is liberating to get rid of stuff. It is terrible in the moment but the next day I do not even remember what I dropped off at the Goodwill. I feel free when I get rid of stuff I do not need.

Alicia: What are your top tips to help busy multi-tasking women?

Michelle:
1. Make sure everybody is happy starting with YOU! If something is stressing you out stop doing it.

2. Do only the essential things. For example: Meet deadlines, show up at meetings in a calm manner, wear good shoes, and don’t forget to pick up your kids. Everything else is a suggestion!

3. Do not waste the weekends doing chores. If you can afford it, pay to get help (e.g. cleaning lady). Just forget doing things like washing your car. Does that ever really have to get done?

Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love, and not only love for others, but love for yourself as well.

Loving yourself and living your life to the fullest is so important. Below is a roadmap of sorts to remind you not to get so caught up in the silly, unimportant, stressful things of life:

(via Joie De Vivre)

In the depths of a cold, dark winter, this article from Amy Suardi at Frugal-Mama.com cheered me right up. She reminds us that simply by shifting our focus from what we don’t have to what we can be grateful for is the most powerful anti-depressant going. She also shares 10 simple resolutions for a happy family life.

Read the full article here: Frugal-Mama.com