Buttoned Up » Ditch Perfection

Black or white thinking is your organizational enemy

Sarah — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 16:12:12 +0000

We’ve just wrapped up our first Kickstart Boot Camp and the February group is getting under way – and one of the most common themes to emerge from both groups is: the danger of black or white thinking when it comes to getting organized.

This is what black or white thinking sounds like:

“Well I failed day one! Ugh. I was gone to work from 6:30am to 4:30pm… then I had to do x, y, z. It’s now almost 9pm and my kids are almost both finally to bed and I’m WIPED out. I did manage to detox the kitchen while I was cooking my dinner but there’s no way I can do the task of the day today.”

And this…

“I’m overwhelmed by this task as it could take me MONTHS! I think that’s why I keep putting it off.”

The first person thinks she’s a failure because she didn’t do the task perfectly. The second person can’t get started because she thinks it will take MONTHS to do it right…and who has that kind of time?

In short, black and white thinking is not your friend. It causes you to think you’re a “failure” when you’re not AND it paralyzes you when you really want to make progress.

Why do we do it?

Black or white thinking emerges, I believe, from our constant exposure to this idea that “being organized” is an end-state. We’re all trained to strive for that pretty picture in our heads (which come from the magazines, blogs and TV shows we watch) where everything is just perfect.

Kind of like this (there’s usually LOTS of white in the picture, right?):

But being organized is a way of living. It’s constantly in flux, because life is always moving.

What’s the antidote?

The first step – awareness. If you don’t even realize you’re using a yardstick to measure yourself that doesn’t make sense, you’re going to keep using it and going around and around in the same cycles. So start to name your problem. For example, “Oh, I’m feeling paralyzed because I’m thinking success = perfection, and the distance between where I am and “perfection” is so huge, I’m feeling defeated.” OR “Ah-ha! I’m beating myself up because I wasn’t able to do something perfectly – but I still made progress!”

The second step – narrow your focus. When you can redefine success within narrower parameters, such as, dealing with one paper pile on your desk or setting your egg timer for 10 minutes and making a small dent in a specific area of the room, you’re much likely to (a) feel better about yourself and your progress AND (b) keep going.

The key is to learn how to better navigate the subtle shades of grey between the poles of black (chaos) and white (perfection). That’s what being buttoned up looks like.

Are you a black or white thinker when it comes to organizing? Where is it worst for you?

Guilt-free (dis)organization: OK or a cop-out?

Sarah — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 12:08:57 +0000

Whenever I give a talk, one of the first questions I always ask the group assembled is: who here considers themselves organized?

Usually one or two timid hands go about half-way up; the owners of those hands not quite believing they really are all that organized.

When I ask who feels like they’re losing the battle, the remaining 98% of hands shoot up.

In fact, we recently did a nationwide survey and found that the vast majority of women agree with the statement I am not organized enough.

Just think about that for a second: your neighbor or friend who you believe is supremely organized is just as likely to believe she’s not organized enough as the woman you know who is, well, struggling a little bit with the concept. How is that possible?

I personally blame org porn.

The airbrushed images of perfectly pristine living spaces trick us into thinking that being “organized” means having to have rooms with no toys about, linen closets with everything folded meticulously, all beds made with nary a wrinkle, desks free of paper, and so on.

In a nutshell, they present “organized” as a perfectly beautiful, perfectly static, end-sate.

The one thing you don’t see in those images: life, which by the way, is always moving!

I personally think it’s high time everyone in that majority stopped feeling guilty for having a less than perfectly together room/closet/desk/nursery/schedule/life.

I believe that getting organized is an ongoing fact of life; it’s a process.

Sometimes things go smoothly and all gets put away.

Sometimes you simply have other priorities.

That’s healthy. When you’re pressed for time, there’s no need to waste energy worrying about those toys all over the living room floor, the dishes lingering in the rack by the sink, or the unmade bed.

The mess doesn’t mean you’re not organized.

It simply means you’re organized enough to know it’s not a priority for you today.

How about you? Do you buy my argument or do you think it’s a big cop-out?

31 Days to Zen

Sarah — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 12:00:41 +0000

August can be a tricky month. It’s technically still summer vacation, and summer-brain definitely still reigns. But it’s also a time of transition back to “normal” routines. To help you keep your vacation cool as long as possible this month, we’ve put together this 31-day guide to a Zen state. Do something every day that will have you feeling calmer, more centered, and happy.

Turn off the TV. Was it really worth cutting your sleep short to watch the shennanegans of those crazy Real Housewives of New York? Instead of staying up to watch TV or veg out on your computer, make an effort to get 8-9 hours of sleep every night this month. You’ll feel more energized and won’t need that extra cup of coffee to keep you going. Plus the time you save from skipping the boob tube will add, leaving room to work on spirit-enhancing projects you’ve been putting off.

Hang a summer picture. Pick one summer shot from your digital stack, print it out using Kodak Gallery, or other photo printing service that delivers the finished product right to your door. Order a frame (hint: get lovely custom ones on Etsy like the frame pictured here at the same time). Once they arrive, hang your picture up immediately.

Edit your closet. Chuck anything that is too big or small for your body type right, now — today. Don’t focus on what you did or will fit into- focus on the now.

Bake bread. You probably have the four ingredients required already in your pantry. It’s easy to make and we’re betting you find the entire process meditative.

Make water your main drink this month. You’ll save money on buying soda and other unhealthy beverages, and feel more cleansed and energized at the end of 31 days.

Prepare to seize the moment. Keep a blanket in your car trunk, just in case you see a nice field or park you want to sit down and relax in. {image via: Etsy}

Stay out of stores for 7 days. If you must buy food, shop for what you need at a farmer’s market. Focus on enjoying the things you already have.

Go for a stroll after dinner each night this month. Drink in nature’s sunsets, stop and smell a flower, chat with a neighbor…and burn a few extra calories while you’re relaxing. {image via: La Dolce Vita}

Edit what’s on your kitchen counters. Get rid of unnecessary or seldom-used equipment. How many times are you really going to use that ice cream maker? Make space for the essentials. {image via: Project Home}

Go au natural. Save time in the morning by learning to love your natural hair. If it’s curly, leave it curly. If it’s straight, leave it straight. If it’s frizzy (like mine), embrace the beauty of he frizz.

Say no to a request you don’t really want to do. If it makes you uncomfortable, re-read the chapter in our book, Pretty Neat for strategies that will help you reclaim your inner 2-year-old.

Find a fun way to tell someone you love them. Use one of our free printable lunch notes, write it in lipstick on a mirror, pick up the phone and leave a goofy rendition of “I just called to say I love you” on a voicemail… Don’t over-think it; just do it. {image via: Sally Jean Typepad}

Put the Crackberry down between 6-8pm. Every day. Eat with others during that time and be present with them.

Institute spousal QT. Pick a date and a time once a week for the next four weeks that you and your spouse will honor as your “quality time.” It could be an official “date” – or just a commitment to spend an hour on the back porch truly catching up with one another. {image via: apartment therapy}

Get a task you’re dreading out of the way. Schedule the time to tackle it first thing in the morning and when that time comes, get it done – no excuses. Chances are it will take less time/energy to do than you think AND you’ll enjoy the rest of your day/month more once it’s out of the way. {image via: Junia Isabel}

Make drive-time spent alone gratitude time. When you’re alone in the car (or on a plane or train), turn off the music, the phone, and any other noisy distractions. Use the time to reflect on everything you are grateful for. {image via: Pinterest}

Unclutter something. Whether it’s a small sock drawer or your entire office, decluttering is one of the fastest ways to feel better about your life and more in control.

Police your to-do list. DO write down all those things rattling around your head that you don’t want to forget to get to. But DON’T that list as a the blueprint for your days. The % of things on your list driven by the urgencies of others and unrelated to your true priorities may just surprise you. Start your day by identifying true priorities.

Save $1 a day. Find a way to save $31 this month, or more if you can. Saving money is empowering and makes you more mindful.

Pick one day to fast. Intermittent fasting has been shown to lower your risk of heart disease and even reduce the symptoms of asthma. It also sharpens your senses and will get you to be more circumspect about food. {image via: Moxie}

Focus on what your housemates & family do well. Rather than fixating on what your roommate/spouse/kid doesn’t do “right” (e.g. dirty dishes left in the sink) and instead make a mental note of all the things they do do well. Bonus points for thanking them for their positive contributions! {image via: ffffound}

Make your life easier. Store fresh bags in the bottom of your garbage cans. {image via: Seltzer Studios}

Go barefoot. Going without shoes puts you in a different, more relaxed minset. And according to some ancient philosophies, life-force energy called Chi (also called Qi or Prana) can be absorbed through the soles of the feet, which allegedly can increase your vitality and make you think more clearly. Scientific or not, it sure feels good to us! {image via: Beautynust Blogspot}

Switch paper subscriptions to digital. Instead of having physical newspapers and magazines delivered, subscribe to them online. It saves paper, and allows you to browse through more quickly to find the articles that match your interests. {image via: Dress Design Décor}

Rearrange a room. Play around with the layout of a “problem” room until you find a set up that gives you the most amount of free space in which to move around in. It will feel like a fresh start.

Tweak your dinner menu. Find new recipes that can be used with ingredients you normally keep in stock. You might discover some new family favorites! {yummy cowboy quesadillas via: our best bites}

Coordinate your chores. If you have to go to the grocery store, post office, doctor’s, etc., try to work it out so you do everything in one trip. It’ll save both time and gas money.

Stop multitasking. Enough has been written about this for you to know it’s a myth. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you find your focus shifting away from what you’re currently working on. {image via: Novh Tumblr}

Say “I’m sorry.” Let go of pride and learn to apologize the moment you know you’ve done something wrong. It’s a step towards self-improvement, and strengthens friendships. {neat note via: yegorka Livejournal}

Get on the do not mail list. Use the cool new online service, Updater, to organize your real mailbox. Sort of like the “Do Not Call” registry, it will stop all those pesky intrusions, like catalogs, coupons, and even unwanted charity solicitations. Your kitchen counters will thank you.

Cut your makeup routine down to only 2 or 3 steps, or go without for a day…or 31. There’s no need to cover-up that glowing summer skin. {everyday makeup tutorial via: Sugarlaws}

Spring cleaning in minutes

Sarah — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 21:34:39 +0000

This morning I headed back to Philadelphia to NBC’s The 10! Show – this time to share some useful spring cleaning cheats. As always, it was such a treat to spend time with the team there.

Do you believe in spring cleaning cheats? If so, what’s your best shortcut?

View more videos at: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com.

Cheaper Than Therapy

Sarah — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 13:59:22 +0000

(via wide open spaces)

Find peace within

Sarah — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 22:50:31 +0000

Today, as the wheels of the plane I was on touched down in San Francisco, I grabbed my iPhone, bracing myself for the onslaught of messages. Six hours is a long time to be incommunicado.

I had reason to brace myself. I had 117 emails and 5 voice mail messages waiting for me.

As I started scrolling through them, my eyes settled on an email from a dear friend I don’t get to see very often. I could tell it was a chain letter based on the subject line: “My room of 8.” I opened it, fully expecting a sappy note of some sort, coupled with a plea to pass it on to my closest 8 girlfriends within five minutes or bad things would happen.

Instead, I found my eyes welling up with gratitude for the simple message that was enclosed:

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. Reeling between feeling like an abject failure and just feeling like a big fake. I started to second guess choices I’ve made about the various businesses I’ve started. Berating myself for not having accomplished enough. Or not being a good enough mother. For being too fat. Not a good enough wife. You name it.

In short, I was beating myself up for not being “perfect.”

Aren’t I supposed to know better?

Intellectually, yes.

But old habits die hard.

I tend to be an optimist and am blessed with the confidence that I can figure out how to do/fix/create most anything.

So when I come up against a thorny problem that is not easily resolved, particularly one that has the potential to make me “look” like a failure in the work sphere, I panic. My perfectionist tendencies go into hyper-drive, and although I project a “with-it-ness” on the outside, a doom-loop of self-loathing reverberates around my brain. I go into hyper-drive trying to regain control over whatever situation isn’t working, pushing myself to “get it right.”

It leads to black-and-white thinking, kills my creativity, and then makes me wonder…if I fail professionally, what does that say about me as a mother? Would my boys be better off if I had chosen to stay at home rather than chase a dream?

Bad questions that lead to bad answers and solve nothing.

As the lovely Brene Brown says:

“Perfectionism…is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s that simple. Perfection is not about healthy striving or being our best, it’s how we protect ourselves. But perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”

The quote that my friend sent via email was like a ray of light. It pierced the darkness in my soul and reminded me that my attachment to a “perfect” outcome was not serving me well. So, rather than continuing the self-hate trip, I sat down and made a list of all of the people, experiences, mis-steps (i.e. “learning”), things, and triumphs I am grateful for. I reflected for a moment on how every, single one of those very things (ESPECIALLY THE FAILURES) make me a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, and sister.

And just like that…the darkness was gone. I found peace within.

Happy Tuesday!

You are enough. May you find the peace within today too.

Why you need to get comfortable with imperfection

Sarah — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 14:16:02 +0000

We talk a lot about the liberation – and increased productivity, joy, ability to be present., that comes when you let go of your need to be ‘perfectly organized.’

Noted academic, TED speaker, and expert on shame and vulnerability, Brene Brown, provides a more in-depth and rigorous look at the subject. Her research has found that only when you take down those masks of perfection and allow yourself to be vulnerable can true creativity, joy, and and growth occur.

If you haven’t seen her TED talk – it’s a must-see. If you’re interested in diving deeper into the topic, her book, Gifts of Imperfection.

Cool Organizing Find: The 7 Sins Of Pilers

Alicia — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 10:34:52 +0000

I am certain of many of you saw our recent review of the great PileSmart products by Pendaflex.

As a lifelong piler myself, I wanted to add a bit more information that I have found very helpful and might also help my other ‘fellow pilers.’ Enjoy and may your piles never grow too high!

The 7 Sins Of Piling

Pendaflex has a great guide to helping Pilers get their desks organized. Print out the whole guide HERE. I did and love it. Here is my favorite excerpt: The 7 Sins Of Piling. Things you should always avoid. Whether it’s the hectic nature of your business day, the demands of juggling multiple projects, home-office records that keep getting bigger, or any other reason – it can be easy to make a piling faux-pas that could cost you time or lead toa lost document.

To follow are seven piling situations to stay away from:

1. Do not over extend
Be careful not to place piles too close to the edge of a desktop because before you know it, you’ll be picking loose papers off the floor.

2. Do not allow papers to stick out too far from each pile
This can get real messy, real fast. Plus, when papers protrude from the pile they can obscure the labels that identify your file headings, preventing you from finding what you want.

3. Do not overstuff your folders.
We’ve all fallen victim to this one…the urge to cram as much paperwork as humanly possible into each file folder in our pile. Ignore the temptation to do so. Overstuffed folders do not allow the folder to close properly, compromising the ability of the folder to hold your documents while also making it almost impossible to efficiently reference individual papers.

4. Do not use file folders that are worn and torn.
Besides being unsightly, tattered file folders in your piles can contribute to misfiles and the loss of crucial papers. Pendaflex® PileSmartTM folders and organizers are made of super strong poly material to resist wearing, tearing and moisture – providing exceptional durability while also protecting your documents from such office mishaps as coffee spills.

5. Do not pile papers containing paper clips.
Invariably, papers that are clipped together will catch on to one another, resulting in confusion within your piles.

6. Do not use rubber bands to hold papers together.
Quality folders such as those in the Pendaflex® PileSmartTM line are designed to do a fine job of keeping documents securely inside each file. Rubber bands will only do one thing: waste your energy by forcing you to take the extra step of removing the rubber band each time you reference paperwork.

7. Do not create “miscellaneous” files.
If something is important enough to be saved and then put into your pile, it deserves its own label heading specific to the file’s topic. Invariably, you will forget what’s in a miscellaneous file, and be forced to dig through the entire pile to find what you need

More Great Advice To Come

Want to keep getting great tips and advice from Pendaflex? Keep in touch with them via their on line community, Beyond Folders. Like them on facebook. Follow them on twitter.

Disclosure: This is sponsored content and we have been paid to do this post. That being said, we do not blog about anything we do not believe in and Pendaflex did not edit our post or direct our content in any way.

Thursday’s Carrot: Stress Relief

Hollie — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 13:58:59 +0000

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, ‘How heavy is this glass of water?’

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem…
If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’

He continued,
‘And that’s the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
the burden will become increasingly heavy:
and we won’t be able to carry on. ‘

‘As with the glass of water,
you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again..
When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.
So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down: don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.’

So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

Just accept that, some days, you’re the pigeon: and, some days, you’re the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always wear stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be “recalled” by their maker.

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, But you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

We could learn a lot from crayons…Some are sharp; some are pretty; and some are dull. Some have weird names; and all are different colors; but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome stress-free Thursday!

(Im)Perfectly Organized on Mingle Media TV – View Part 1 of 6 Week Bootcamp!

Sarah — Thu, 13 May 2010 01:00:51 +0000

Hey all! If you haven’t joined us yet, we’ve just started a six part bootcamp designed to get you sanely organized!

Tonight we kicked it off with a session devoted to what it means to get imperfectly organized, and how to apply that approach to your life. If you missed the live show, don’t worry, you can watch it on replay (below). Sarah uncovers the definition of imperfectly organized, walks you through some simple exercises that can help you get clarity on what kinds of external yardsticks you’re using to measure your sense of “being organized” (and how most of those are silly when you think about it for more than two seconds), and then outlines how you put “good enough” goals into place that will help you keep that organizational inertia at bay.

Set Your Calendar for 8pm Wednesday evenings & join us LIVE on MingleMedia.tv

We’re in the hot seat – and happy to take direct questions and requests from our viewers – so it’s definitely worth tuning in!

Catch Up On What You Missed – Replay Tonight’s Show!