Reader Kimberly had a tough question about how to help a grieving dad pick up the pieces:

My mom passed away last month and she was the one to take care of the household. My dad is now left with trying to figure out what bills to pay when, what things to keep for taxes, what documents are needed for the house – you get the idea. I’m at a loss on how to help. It’s on my shoulders to help him as I live much closer than my sister does – and I don’t want to overwhelm him in the process of finding a system to work for him.

Any idea you all may have, I would be very grateful.

First, Kimberly – I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. Thoughts, virtual hugs and prayers are going out to you and your family. Especially on this Mother’s Day.

Pick ONE Starting Place for him

When there are a lot of pieces to pick up, it can quickly become overwhelming and paralyzing. Probably the most important thing you can do is help your dad to focus on ONE organizational project. I’d recommend starting with the bills as that’s urgent AND important. Sit with him while HE creates a system. Be there to ask guiding questions and to offer advice but refrain from doing it for him. The act of thinking the approach to bill paying through will help reduce “organizing the finances” from this big, scary thing to a concrete system that he has the confidence he can master.

Once he has one system down, then move on to the next. For example, putting a master calendar together with key dates, appointments, and perhaps even reminders for when to do basic home maintenance activities.

Make an Appointment with an Accountant

It might help reduce anxiety levels if he hears from an expert what files he will need to keep organized for annual taxes (e.g. life insurance policy payments). Our free checklist of what financial documents to keep might help as well. Once he has clarity, you might want to invest in a filing folder like our Tax.filer for him so that he can just drop relevant papers into it as they come in over the course of the year.

Respect Grief

The waves of depression that descend after a loved one passes are powerful. I know that in the wake of my mom’s passing I had great intentions to organize this or that, but felt under water and literally too heavy, too under water to move some days. So, please, be kind to yourself. Put in place a support structure for at least the first few months that takes the pressure off of you and your dad. Maybe outsource some of the basic chores. Then, gradually increase your dad’s levels of responsibility after that until he is as self-sufficient as he is able to be.

I have to admit I was a little shocked (but in a good way!) about how quickly the 7 Secrets to Sticking to Your Goals webinar filled up last week. Within 18 minutes of sending the initial email, the event was oversubscribed by literally hundreds of people. More than a few folks who tried to dial in at 9pm couldn’t get in because the event was “full” by 9:02pm.

Two Additional Webinar Dates

If you were one of the folks who really wanted to attend but couldn’t for one reason or another, we are going to have an additional LIVE webinar this coming week. As with all live calls, I do spend as much time on live Q&A at the end as-needed.

Wed, Apr 24, 2013 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM EDT

Here’s what I’ll cover on the call:
• Detailed, step-by-step training on the essential components of a goal that set you up for success
• Discover the #1 technique for bouncing back instantly when life throws a curve ball (This one will surprise you!)
• How to decide which goal(s) to focus on and which ones to drop
• 3 little-known steps 99% of goal makers skip but that will make all the difference (Hint: a big-picture goal is just the tip of the iceberg)

Here’s what attendees said about the webinar last week:

This was AWESOME!!! I appreciate everything you said and have learned more from you than I have learned from any help book or other training!

Thank you Sarah. That was great! You are awesome! I did the KickStart camp in January–it was wonderful and it helped me so much. It’s still helping me!

Loved it. Thanks Sarah!

Thank you so much for a wonderful webinar. I look forward to reviewing it again and signing up for one of the bootcamps. Thank you for all your time and effort. Very much appreciated

Join In!

Register for a session now by clicking a date below:
Wed, Apr 24, 2013 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM EDT

What are some of your goals that you really want to stick to this year?

I’ll admit it: I am not a lover of household finance.

It’s a subject that unleashes Olympic-level procrastination in me.

Balance the checkbook? I have to go do some meal planning using Pinterest first. Pay the bills? Isn’t it time to organize the kids’ closets or bake some zucchini bread?

Shocking, I know, for someone who otherwise loves to be “buttoned up.”

But it’s something I have had to make my peace with over the past two years.

Up until the arrival of my second son, I was bringing home plenty of bacon with a full-time job of my own. When combined with my husband’s income, we we always had enough in our coffers with plenty left over to save. If I didn’t track every penny, it wasn’t a big deal.

But then, I got knocked up with baby 2 and decided to throw in the towel on my incredibly stressful job.

I was tired of having God-awful office politics hang like storm clouds over my head while I was at home. I was sick of phone calls and teleconferences interrupting the small windows of time I did have with my family.

But most of all, I was tired of feeling like the life I was living wasn’t in sync with my true priorities. I spent all of my time doing work, which while intellectually engaging, was hardly soul-filling. And at the same time getting far too little time with the beings that actually filled my soul.

So, when my second arrived, I held my breath and stepped off the treadmill to be a mom and make a go of Buttoned Up.

For the first time in my adult life, I had no guarantee of income. I had no choice but to get serious about changing my spending habits.

At first I tried to automate it all, using the fantastic, free services of Mint.com. But what I found was that the technology kept me one step removed from my spending. It gave me the illusion of being on the financial straight and narrow, when in fact my habits hadn’t really changed.

It was only when I started to track every penny using a simple pencil and paper taped to my fridge that I was able to get a handle on things. There’s something about physically having to write things down that truly connected me with our money in a new way.

I realized a lot myself (not all of it so pleasant). But the financial mirror has been worth it as I’m convinced that it has enabled us both to live lives that are a much better reflection of who we are.

You can download this budget tracking form for free in our tools section.

We still use Mint.com to keep the big picture organized (largely on autopilot since they link into most financial institutions), but both my husband and I now are pretty fanatical about writing down what we spend every day.

How about you? Do you track your spending? Are you pro-tech or do you do it old-school like us?

Organizing most things is generally fun, relatively easy and comes with the benefit of a big visual payoff – think cleaning off desks, arranging closets and making kitchen counters sparkle. But occasionally, we must all face organizational tasks that are, for lack of a better word: painful. There is not much fun involved in organizing your really important information just in case of an emergency (which is really a matter of when, not if) or going through the possessions of a loved one after they have past away.

Unfortunately, when things are not enjoyable, we tend to avoid doing them. The longer you put difficult organizational tasks off, the more likely you are to either (a) be putting yourself at risk, or (b) carrying some degree of misery and stress unnecessarily.

On July 5th, 2010 my mom, stepbrother and sister-in-law were killed when the small plane my mother was piloting crashed after a landing gone awry. It’s been two years now, and yet those words still seem unreal.

About a month after the accident, my despondent (and beloved) stepfather asked my siblings and me to help him clear her things from the house. He found the constant reminders of her too much to bear, a sentiment we all understood. So, still reeling from the losses, my brother, sister, and I began the bittersweet task of dealing with the detritus of mom’s life: her clothes, her papers, and various odds and ends; in short, her clutter.

As we waded through her things, the smallest things would bring me to my knees, like the three Disney books she had clearly purchased for my oldest son’s fourth birthday, which fell just four days after the plane crash. At first, I refused to claim them, unable or unwilling to accept that she would no longer be present to celebrate those kinds of special days with us.

In the end, I took four large boxes of her things and two massive bags of her clothes home with me. Once home, I promptly stashed them in our basement guest room, the room we lovingly call “The Waiting Place,” and closed the door. Every time we had a guest or I played with the boys in the playroom, the closed door to our Waiting Place taunted me. The longer I avoided it, the more intensely I felt the weight of what I knew I should be doing, and the more I felt the weight of the “should,” the worse I felt about myself.

Finally, about two weeks ago, I faced what I had been putting off for twenty-four months. It wasn’t easy. But it wasn’t as hard as I had made it out to be in my head, either. In fact, by the time I had finished, I felt wonderful: flooded with happy memories, grateful for having a wonderful, inspiring mom, excited to hang some of her pictures, and proud of myself for finally ridding the Waiting Place of the jumble of her things.”

Six Secrets for Organizing Difficult Things

As I reflected on our various experiences in tackling difficult organizational tasks like this one (and organizing my wills), I noticed that getting un-stuck took all (or at least some combination of) the following strategies.

1. Set a Timer for 15 Minutes & Just Start Already!

Our brains are not always the most reliable gauges when it comes to predicting how long a task will take – or how painful it will be. If you’re feeling stuck, grab an egg timer, set it for at least fifteen minutes, and force yourself to focus relentlessly on the job at hand. It is highly likely that you will make significant progress and won’t want to stop when the bell rings.

2. Use an If-Then Statement to Get Yourself to Follow Through.

We often make good intentions, like “I will start project X first thing tomorrow morning.” But when tomorrow morning comes…it’s easy to get distracted by something “more important.” Many studies by clinical psychologists have shown that deciding in advance when and where you will take specific actions to reach your goal (e.g., “If it is 11am on Saturday, then I will go through my mom’s things.”) can double or triple your chances for success.

3. Carve Out Quiet Time to Make Progress:

If you have small children, a cell phone, a smart phone, a computer, or a home phone, you are at risk of being interrupted just as you start to tackle your project. Obviously, that makes it much harder to make any real progress. Organize a babysitter if you need one, and turn off all communication alerts so that you can work uninterrupted on the task at hand.

4. Ask for Help:

Sometimes just having someone there with you while you take on a task makes all the difference. If you’re scared to tackle something, maybe all you need to do is call up a best friend, ask your spouse, or reach out to an expert.

5. Anticipate Moments of Joy.

Even if the job itself has nothing inherently exciting or happy about it, you will still experience moments of joy when you realize you are making progress, and eventually complete, the project. When you do something hard, you can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment; “Hey! I am doing what I said I could!” That, in turn, boosts self-esteem, which feels wonderful. It also makes you more likely to take on and complete other difficult projects – setting off a positive chain of continuous improvement.

6. Focus on the Benefits.

There is a saying that you get what you focus on. When you’re putting something off, you do so because you are paying more attention to the pain of getting the job done than on the good that will come from having crossed it off your list. Break your old pattern of focus by grabbing a pen and paper and writing down all of the things you will gain by following through.

What do you think is the most difficult thing to organize? What are you putting off?

Good financial intentions: we all have them. Yet, with the American savings rate at an anemic 4.6% of income and the average household credit card debt load of $15,956 (for households with credit card debt) – our good intentions aren’t amounting to much financial good.

Happily our failure on this front has a silver lining: the chance to learn.

There are probably as many reasons for failing to control your financial life as there are people. Dip your toe into financial self-help literature and you’re sure to be wowed by the often deeply rooted emotional reasons why we overspend and under-save. It’s fascinating stuff. But reading about it will only take you so far. If you really want to pull yourself out of your financial rut, you will have to stop being an armchair observer of other people’s failures and become a student of your own.

Here are four critical steps to embracing your financial failures in a way that will enrich you over the long haul.

Step 1: Keep track

We know it sounds depressing: track my failures?!? Why on earth would I want to do that?

The fact is if you aren’t willing to take an honest look at where you are going off the rails, you will not ever learn how to stay on them. Nobody is perfect; we all fail at one point or another. Those who succeed quickly get over their fear of failure and figure out how to learn from it. As Samuel Beckett said so eloquently: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Thus, when it comes to getting your financial house in order, you must establish a ritual for documenting your financial failures. Pick one night a week where you look back over the previous seven days and identify any missteps. Did you overshoot your food budget? Jot down how much you went over and why you did. Did you compulsively shop? Note when, how you felt before you went shopping, and what kinds of things you felt compelled to buy. Did you feel better after? Or worse? The more detail you can put around the event, the more likely you will be to learn from it over time. And don’t be tempted to skip this step. You may think, “oh I’ll remember this.” But you won’t. Or you may, but you may not want to think about it too much. There’s something about having to face the cold, hard facts – both when you write it down and then again when it’s time for your weekly review – that leads to real learning and inspires permanent lifestyle changes.

Step 2: Identify critical patterns

As you gain experience documenting your financial mistakes and missteps, clear patterns will start to emerge. Perhaps you are chronically over budget when it comes to food, or once a month you hit the mall without any plan and do some damage with your credit cards.

At least once a quarter, and ideally once a month, review your spending patterns and ask yourself if there are any recurring patterns of note. Take the time to capture any in your journal or virtual notebook, wherever you are keeping track of your failure stats. Again, writing it down is critical; it helps you truly internalize the information.

Step 3: Synthesize and cement lessons learned

Any time you identify a negative pattern in your finances, force yourself to get to the root of the problem. Perhaps you are chronically over your food budget because you’re trying to wing it without a weekly menu and turn to take-out and expensive prepared foods at the grocery store more than you realize. Maybe you are in the habit of going shopping with a friend who makes a lot more money than you do and feel compelled to keep up appearances, or worse, hit the stores when you’re feeling vulnerable and try cloak your lagging self-esteem in fancy badge brands.

The point of this step is to dig deep for the reasons behind your sabotaging behavior. As soon as you identify a pattern in step two, start a running tally of possible reasons why the pattern exists. Keep asking yourself why until you get to a satisfying answer. It will often be emotional in nature.

Once you’ve identified the root cause(s), take a few moments to capture your failure in the form of a complete sentence and then list each valuable lesson you have learned.

Step 4: Brainstorm “back on the bandwagon” tactics

The final step is to come up with a few tactics that you can employ to stay ahead of the negative pattern and/or to interrupt it and get yourself quickly back on track.

Do you track your financial failures or do you bury your head in the sand? If you do track, what are some of the best lessons you’ve learned from doing so? We’d love to hear.

Many people put off organizing their finances because they believe it will be a time-intensive chore. Fortunately in this technological day and age, it doesn’t have to be. A wide variety of free and fee-based tools exist that can make the entire process as easy as pushing a button or two. Unfortunately, with over 4,000 personal financial websites to comb through and app libraries filled with hundreds of options, it’s easy to get lost in the weeds.

That’s why I have taken the time to create a short list of the top tools for streamlining and organizing your finances. I’ve organized them into three critical categories: financial aggregators, expense trackers, and debt monitors.

Financial Aggregators (for getting clear on the big picture)

When was the last time you zoomed out and took a look at your personal financial big picture?

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day management of your accounts. But when you approach finances exclusively from a tactical standpoint, it can be a bit like shooting in the dark. You may cross off tasks, like balancing your checkbook and paying your bills on time, but you cannot be sure your individual steps are taking you where you really want to go in the long run. Happily there are a variety of (mostly) free tools that can help you get a handle on your big financial picture within minutes. If you are one of the 61% of Americans who either has no household budget or fails to stick with one, you should absolutely start by organizing your big picture using one of these tools.

Top Web Aggregator: Mint.com

This comprehensive web-based financial aggregator is owned by Intuit. It organizes all of your financial account information in one spot, the cloud, which makes it accessible from any device – desktop, tablet or mobile phone. It connects with virtually every US bank (as long as it has internet banking), which means setting up your account takes mere minutes. It has excellent security, which you can read about in this New York Times article. Best of all it is free. The interface is both beautiful and incredibly easy to navigate. Once you have set up your accounts, Mint calculates your average spending in every category to help you easily create a budget based on your historical spending (increasing the likelihood you will stick to it). You can also input financial goals and monitor your progress against your goals. Bottom line: if you use this tool, your big financial picture will be buttoned up in fairly short order.

High Quality Alternates

While I feel Mint.com is the best option in this category, I understand that not everyone is comfortable having their financial information in “the cloud.” For those wanting a computer-based option, we recommend these two paid programs: Quicken, and MoneyDance or this free one: GnuCash.

Tracking Receipts and Expenses

If you don’t track where your dollars are going each month, it is only a matter of time until you break your budget. When that happens, you land right back in that spot where your finances are controlling you, not the other way around. Happily breaking this vicious cycle has never been easier. There are literally hundreds of apps that make it a cinch to track every penny you spend. We’ve zeroed in on our three favorite.

Top 3 Tools for Organizing Receipts & Expenses

• Mint.com: When you create a Mint.com account, you can also download their Apple or Android app for free so that you have your complete financial picture with you wherever you go. If you’re wondering whether or not you should buy those shoes, take a gander at your budget before splurging. Mint.com automatically updates expenditures made with an ATM or credit card. But you can also manually enter transactions too. The app is password protected for an added layer of security.

• Balance: While auto-updating programs like Mint.com are nice, it is often helpful from an accountability standpoint to have to enter information by hand. Balance is a basic app that tracks the balances on all of your accounts. Every time you make a purchase or a deposit, enter the transaction amount into the app. It then automatically updates your balance information. You’ll see pretty quickly how those little ATM fees and lattes add up.

• Expensify: If you are in business for yourself or are an employee that has to frequently incur business-related expenses, you know how painful the process of filling out expense reports can be. But it is critical; ill-managed expense reimbursements wreak havoc on personal cash flows and budgets. Fortunately there’s Expensify, a spiffy free app that imports expenses and receipts from credit cards, lets you send copies of paper receipts using your mobile phone camera, and makes it possible to submit expense reports through email, and even get reimbursed via direct deposit.

Of course, sometimes a pencil and paper is the best way to keep yourself honest about what you are spending, just as writing down your calorie intake is often the best way to keep yourself honest about what you are eating. In that case, there is always this free printable budget tracker from Buttoned Up.

Reducing Debt

Quite a few people mentioned on our Buttoned Up facebook page recently that their top financial goal included paying off student loans. Having climbed out of that hole myself, I know that it can be a slog. When you’re trying to pay down any kind of debt, you need all the help you can get tracking not only what you have due, but the progress you are making in paying it off. Happily there are a few programs and apps that do a wonderful job of just that.

Top Tool: Debt Snowball Pro

This simple app is designed to help you power through your debt. It has a very clean, easy to use interface. The app’s designers have given users three different approaches to eliminating their debt. Your accountant will love option 1: pay off your higher interest loans first and save the most money. Your amygdala will prefer option 2: pay off the smallest debts first and work your way up to larger ones so you see a “snowball” effect in paying off debts. Your local stores will like option 3: pay off the minimum due each month (so you have more to spend with them). Regardless of the option you choose, all you have to do is enter all of your debt information into a debt list once and the app will take it from there.

High Quality Alternates

While I personally love the streamlined interface of Debt Snowball Pro, there are quite a few good apps and spreadsheets in this area. Other notable options include: the Vertex42 Excel Spreadsheet Calculator, Pay Off Debt, Debt Payoff Planner, and iQuick Debt Payoff. Regardless of which option you choose to go with, having a complete picture of how much you have to pay off is a powerful deterrent to profligate spending. Of course, any debt reduction plan is likely to be aided by a low tech tool: scissors.

Are you comfortable using tech tools to organize your finances? Which tools do you swear by? I’d love to hear.

There are so many incredible writers out there on these interwebs and some shady ones too – especially in the area of personal finance, the focus of our March Challenge).

I thought it might be helpful to highlight five posts worthy of your time here. When you get a sec, or get stuck on a boring conference call, give these a read. You’ll be richer for it.

The Happiest Mom – Food Waste My Sneaky Money-Waster

Get Rich Slowly – Stealth Savings

Getting Finances Done: The Easiest Way to Organize Your Budget

Zen Habits: 10 Habits to Develop for Financial Stability & Success

Daily Worth: My Weight-Watchers Inspired Money Diet

As I mentioned on my post over at BabyCenter this morning, the mere mention of the word finance unleashes Olympic-level procrastination in me.

In all honesty, I’d rather be Pinning healthy dinner ideas than balancing my checkbook.

But the fact is, there are lots of things that you (and I) can do in ten minutes or less to improve the overall state of your finances. And some of them are downright enjoyable! Read on for ten ideas and then try kicking that procrastination to the curb – see how many of these you can cross off of your list within the next seven days.

1. Cancel Recurring Services You No Longer Use.

We all have signed up at one time or another for a service that we eventually (or maybe never) fully used. Scour your credit card statement for any such charges and cancel them. Keep a tally of the money you save and celebrate your savings. I recently checked my bills as part of the March GetButtoned Up Challenge and found money that I was essentially throwing away on online services I didn’t really use. It wasn’t hundreds of dollars, but if I just sweep that same amount into my savings account each month, it will add up significantly over time.

2. Eliminate Unnecessary Financial Accounts.

The more complex your finances are to manage, the less likely you are to keep them buttoned up over the long haul. If you have more than one (max two) credit card accounts, consolidate them.

3. Create a Bill Pay Station.

Establish one spot in your home where you organize and pay all bills. You should have a container to hold pending bills (a colorful bin, file folder or basket is always nice) as well as a basic filing system to keep receipts and stubs organized. If you don’t have one set up, pick the spot and order the components online in one ten minute block. Then set up your filing system in the other.

4. Opt Out of Pre-Approved Card Offers.

Nobody needs more temptation on the credit card front. The consumer credit reporting companies (Equifax, TransUnion, Experian, and Innovis) are required by law to offer consumers the opportunity to take their names off of lists sold to credit card and insurance marketers. Do yourself a favor and take them up on their offer to opt-out today. Simply visit this website: listhttps://www.optoutprescreen.com/, enter your information, and you will be taken off the list for 5 years. For a more permanent solution, mail in an opt-out request – details on the same website.

5. Make a Date to Pay Bills.

In our latest book Pretty Neat, we spoke about the power of simple routines that you do on autopilot. The principle can absolutely be applied to bill paying. If you’re paying bills as they come in, you’re spending too much time on them and likely making your blood pressure higher than it needs to be. Pick two or three set days each month when none of your bills will be late and set a recurring 10 minute appointment on each day to pay all due bills.

6. Set a Recurring Appointment to Track Your Weekly Spending.

If you don’t know what you’re spending on a regular basis, you simply cannot be in control of your finances. Set up a ten-minute appointment with yourself once a week to tally up everything you have spent. Make it easier on yourself by using this free monthly spending worksheet from Buttoned Up.

7. Prepare Your Car to Capture Car Expenses.

Keep a small notebook and pen or a Receipt.catcher for your car in your glove compartment. Use it to organize receipts and keep track of gas purchases, mileage, and any repairs done on your car.

8. Set Up a Digital Hub.

The more visibility you have into your financial situation, the more you will be in control your finances, and not the other way around. We are huge fans of digital programs and services that organize your total financial picture in one spot. Mint.com happens to be Sarah’s favorite while Quicken is Alicia’s preferred program. If you don’t already have one, pick a program that easily integrates with your existing financial accounts and then take ten minutes each day until you have it completely set up.

9. Establish an Automatic Savings Sweep.

People often make the mistake of saving last, not first. Put yourself on track to save more by setting up an automatic sweep from your checking account to a savings account. Ideally set up a savings account in a non-linked account so it is harder to “raid” when you’re facing a moment of weakness. Another easy option: sign up with your employer to receive two direct deposits from your job – one for your checking account and the other for your savings account.

10. Make a Change Jar.

It’s so simple. But if you save rather than spend the change that you get each time you pay cash on something, you’ll have a nice little bucket of savings at the end of the year. Multiply that by all of the spenders in your household and you could have hundreds of dollars in coins come December. Go get an empty bell jar or tall Tupperware container, label it CHANGE, and at the end of every day, empty any loose change you have accumulated into the jar.

If we picked your house at random for an impromptu inspection of your financial filing system would we find a streamlined filing cabinet or one that was overrun with paper clutter?

Don’t feel bad if you are in the latter camp. When it comes to financial records, most of us err on the side of caution. For some reason, our fear of “what if” keeps us holding on to things like phone bills, old bank statements, and health insurance records way longer than necessary.

As it turns out, those fears are largely unfounded. Use this list to help you weed out unnecessary papers and get your financial files organized for good.

Click here to download.

Sometimes it helps to look at the cost of clutter from a different angle.

Do you ever think about the hidden costs of the stuff you buy?

This chart below, courtesy of Seeing Finance, shows you in graphic detail how long it would take to pay off credit cart debt if you just make the minimum payment – and more importantly – how much additional interest you would pay over time.

If you use credit cards to purchase things and pay them off over time, do you ever factor in the added cost of interest to the purchase price?

I hadn’t previously. But this visualization made me think it might be a good idea…