Buttoned Up » Emergency Plans

Q&A Wednesday: how do I help my grieving dad get organized?

Sarah — Wed, 08 May 2013 08:18:26 +0000

Reader Kimberly had a tough question about how to help a grieving dad pick up the pieces:

My mom passed away last month and she was the one to take care of the household. My dad is now left with trying to figure out what bills to pay when, what things to keep for taxes, what documents are needed for the house – you get the idea. I’m at a loss on how to help. It’s on my shoulders to help him as I live much closer than my sister does – and I don’t want to overwhelm him in the process of finding a system to work for him.

Any idea you all may have, I would be very grateful.

First, Kimberly – I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. Thoughts, virtual hugs and prayers are going out to you and your family. Especially on this Mother’s Day.

Pick ONE Starting Place for him

When there are a lot of pieces to pick up, it can quickly become overwhelming and paralyzing. Probably the most important thing you can do is help your dad to focus on ONE organizational project. I’d recommend starting with the bills as that’s urgent AND important. Sit with him while HE creates a system. Be there to ask guiding questions and to offer advice but refrain from doing it for him. The act of thinking the approach to bill paying through will help reduce “organizing the finances” from this big, scary thing to a concrete system that he has the confidence he can master.

Once he has one system down, then move on to the next. For example, putting a master calendar together with key dates, appointments, and perhaps even reminders for when to do basic home maintenance activities.

Make an Appointment with an Accountant

It might help reduce anxiety levels if he hears from an expert what files he will need to keep organized for annual taxes (e.g. life insurance policy payments). Our free checklist of what financial documents to keep might help as well. Once he has clarity, you might want to invest in a filing folder like our Tax.filer for him so that he can just drop relevant papers into it as they come in over the course of the year.

Respect Grief

The waves of depression that descend after a loved one passes are powerful. I know that in the wake of my mom’s passing I had great intentions to organize this or that, but felt under water and literally too heavy, too under water to move some days. So, please, be kind to yourself. Put in place a support structure for at least the first few months that takes the pressure off of you and your dad. Maybe outsource some of the basic chores. Then, gradually increase your dad’s levels of responsibility after that until he is as self-sufficient as he is able to be.

Additional FREE webinar date: 7 secrets to sticking to your goals

Sarah — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 04:31:58 +0000

I have to admit I was a little shocked (but in a good way!) about how quickly the 7 Secrets to Sticking to Your Goals webinar filled up last week. Within 18 minutes of sending the initial email, the event was oversubscribed by literally hundreds of people. More than a few folks who tried to dial in at 9pm couldn’t get in because the event was “full” by 9:02pm.

Two Additional Webinar Dates

If you were one of the folks who really wanted to attend but couldn’t for one reason or another, we are going to have an additional LIVE webinar this coming week. As with all live calls, I do spend as much time on live Q&A at the end as-needed.

Wed, Apr 24, 2013 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM EDT

Here’s what I’ll cover on the call:
• Detailed, step-by-step training on the essential components of a goal that set you up for success
• Discover the #1 technique for bouncing back instantly when life throws a curve ball (This one will surprise you!)
• How to decide which goal(s) to focus on and which ones to drop
• 3 little-known steps 99% of goal makers skip but that will make all the difference (Hint: a big-picture goal is just the tip of the iceberg)

Here’s what attendees said about the webinar last week:

This was AWESOME!!! I appreciate everything you said and have learned more from you than I have learned from any help book or other training!

Thank you Sarah. That was great! You are awesome! I did the KickStart camp in January–it was wonderful and it helped me so much. It’s still helping me!

Loved it. Thanks Sarah!

Thank you so much for a wonderful webinar. I look forward to reviewing it again and signing up for one of the bootcamps. Thank you for all your time and effort. Very much appreciated

Join In!

What are some of your goals that you really want to stick to this year?

Six secrets to organizing difficult things

Sarah — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 17:57:56 +0000

Organizing most things is generally fun, relatively easy and comes with the benefit of a big visual payoff – think cleaning off desks, arranging closets and making kitchen counters sparkle. But occasionally, we must all face organizational tasks that are, for lack of a better word: painful. There is not much fun involved in organizing your really important information just in case of an emergency (which is really a matter of when, not if) or going through the possessions of a loved one after they have past away.

Unfortunately, when things are not enjoyable, we tend to avoid doing them. The longer you put difficult organizational tasks off, the more likely you are to either (a) be putting yourself at risk, or (b) carrying some degree of misery and stress unnecessarily.

On July 5th, 2010 my mom, stepbrother and sister-in-law were killed when the small plane my mother was piloting crashed after a landing gone awry. It’s been two years now, and yet those words still seem unreal.

About a month after the accident, my despondent (and beloved) stepfather asked my siblings and me to help him clear her things from the house. He found the constant reminders of her too much to bear, a sentiment we all understood. So, still reeling from the losses, my brother, sister, and I began the bittersweet task of dealing with the detritus of mom’s life: her clothes, her papers, and various odds and ends; in short, her clutter.

As we waded through her things, the smallest things would bring me to my knees, like the three Disney books she had clearly purchased for my oldest son’s fourth birthday, which fell just four days after the plane crash. At first, I refused to claim them, unable or unwilling to accept that she would no longer be present to celebrate those kinds of special days with us.

In the end, I took four large boxes of her things and two massive bags of her clothes home with me. Once home, I promptly stashed them in our basement guest room, the room we lovingly call “The Waiting Place,” and closed the door. Every time we had a guest or I played with the boys in the playroom, the closed door to our Waiting Place taunted me. The longer I avoided it, the more intensely I felt the weight of what I knew I should be doing, and the more I felt the weight of the “should,” the worse I felt about myself.

Finally, about two weeks ago, I faced what I had been putting off for twenty-four months. It wasn’t easy. But it wasn’t as hard as I had made it out to be in my head, either. In fact, by the time I had finished, I felt wonderful: flooded with happy memories, grateful for having a wonderful, inspiring mom, excited to hang some of her pictures, and proud of myself for finally ridding the Waiting Place of the jumble of her things.”

Six Secrets for Organizing Difficult Things

As I reflected on our various experiences in tackling difficult organizational tasks like this one (and organizing my wills), I noticed that getting un-stuck took all (or at least some combination of) the following strategies.

1. Set a Timer for 15 Minutes & Just Start Already!

Our brains are not always the most reliable gauges when it comes to predicting how long a task will take – or how painful it will be. If you’re feeling stuck, grab an egg timer, set it for at least fifteen minutes, and force yourself to focus relentlessly on the job at hand. It is highly likely that you will make significant progress and won’t want to stop when the bell rings.

2. Use an If-Then Statement to Get Yourself to Follow Through.

We often make good intentions, like “I will start project X first thing tomorrow morning.” But when tomorrow morning comes…it’s easy to get distracted by something “more important.” Many studies by clinical psychologists have shown that deciding in advance when and where you will take specific actions to reach your goal (e.g., “If it is 11am on Saturday, then I will go through my mom’s things.”) can double or triple your chances for success.

3. Carve Out Quiet Time to Make Progress:

If you have small children, a cell phone, a smart phone, a computer, or a home phone, you are at risk of being interrupted just as you start to tackle your project. Obviously, that makes it much harder to make any real progress. Organize a babysitter if you need one, and turn off all communication alerts so that you can work uninterrupted on the task at hand.

4. Ask for Help:

Sometimes just having someone there with you while you take on a task makes all the difference. If you’re scared to tackle something, maybe all you need to do is call up a best friend, ask your spouse, or reach out to an expert.

5. Anticipate Moments of Joy.

Even if the job itself has nothing inherently exciting or happy about it, you will still experience moments of joy when you realize you are making progress, and eventually complete, the project. When you do something hard, you can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment; “Hey! I am doing what I said I could!” That, in turn, boosts self-esteem, which feels wonderful. It also makes you more likely to take on and complete other difficult projects – setting off a positive chain of continuous improvement.

6. Focus on the Benefits.

There is a saying that you get what you focus on. When you’re putting something off, you do so because you are paying more attention to the pain of getting the job done than on the good that will come from having crossed it off your list. Break your old pattern of focus by grabbing a pen and paper and writing down all of the things you will gain by following through.

What do you think is the most difficult thing to organize? What are you putting off?

Are you organizing the wrong things?

Sarah — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 17:36:37 +0000

Don’t get me wrong – having labeled food bins, color-coded closets, and a clutter-free living room is definitely nice. I have a giant soft spot for pretty, organized spaces. But I also have lived long enough to know that, even if your house looks organized but you don’t have a basic plan for dealing with emergencies, well, you’re not really organized.

Since September is National Preparedness Month, now is the time to get one together if you’ve been putting it off.

Why are you avoiding emergency planning?

Nobody likes to think of what would happen in the case of a natural disaster like an earthquake, flood, or hurricane – and the thought of something bad happening to our loved ones is often too disturbing to consider. It’s also hard to be sure of what exactly is needed in any worst-case scenario, or how to put it all together. That’s the recipe for “organizational inertia.”

If You’ve Been Procrastinating – Here Are 5 Tips for Getting Yourself to Take Action

Give Yourself a Carrot.
Make a commitment to family members, a good friend, or just yourself – that if you get your emergency planning organized by Friday, you can have a double scoop ice cream cone as a reward. If you’re lactose intolerant or watching your calories, reward yourself with a manicure, new fun iPhone app, or an iTunes download.

Play a Game.
Most of the items you need to put in an emergency kit you will already have. You’ll have your kit together in no time if you set up a scavenger hunt for emergency kit items and involve the entire family. The items to hunt for are: water, canned food, cash and first aid items like band-aids, neosporin, thermometer, tweezers, aspirin, gauze pads, facecloth for compresses, scissors. The one who collects the most items wins!

Get Your Own Coach.
Find a buddy” you can work with who will keep you on track.

Enlist a Little Mom-o-vation.
Call your mother or mother in-law and have them promise to be your faithful nag this week until you get the job done.

Post It!
There’s nothing like committing to all of your Facebook friends that you’ll get your emergency plan organized by the end of the week…and encouraging them to hold you accountable to get you off the dime.

Getting Started

Being prepared doesn’t have to involve backbreaking work. To get started, use this free emergency preparedness checklist here.

This list is purposefully not exhaustive. Since long, laundry lists can be discouraging this list is designed to focus you on the most important things to get organized now. And remember – there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ plan. Unless you are a psychic and already know in advance every eventuality for which you must prepare, your plan won’t be ‘perfect.’ But given the choice to be 70%, 80% or 90% prepared versus not at all prepared, you can and should choose the former.

It’s tornado season: are you prepared?

Sarah — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 23:54:52 +0000

With spring comes tornado season…and boy has it roared into gear this week. The twisters outside of Dallas destroyed about 200 homes and damaged 650 more.

If you live in tornado alley (or even close to it) do you have a preparedness plan?

Lisa Rebstock had a preparedness kit ready with diapers and supplies and knew where to go when disaster struck—and was huddled in the bathroom with her children as a tornado roared overhead—and survived unscathed. See this clip as she describes the horror.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

If you’re wondering where to get started, our emergency preparedness checklist will help. And in this case, we also highly recommend this fantastic one put together by The American Red Cross to help as you prepare kits and emergency plans.

You should also be sure to catalog your valuables so that you can be sure you have adequate insurance for the items in your home.

And if you’re on the fence about taking the steps you need to be prepared (we’ve heard every excuse and none of them are good enough), re-watch this clip. The scary thing about tornadoes is their utter randomness. It CAN happen to you. Be ready.

Feature Photo Via: CNN

Do you live near Dallas? Were you there when the tornadoes struck this week? If not, but you live in tornado alley, if one touched down near your home or work today, would you be ready?

Fire Safety Winners Announced!

Anne Marie — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:32:36 +0000

Thank you to all who left fire safety tips on our post; Fire Safety Tips Every Family Should Follow and on Facebook!

The two winners are:

Kelly Schulthies

and

Shelly Binion!

Join us in congratulating them on their win!

Stay safe!

Fire Safety Tips Every Family Should Follow; and WIN a $50 Bed Bath& Beyond Gift Card Giveaway!

Anne Marie — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:00:52 +0000

This contest is now closed. Winners were announced in this post

Do you know the best thing to do to protect your family from fire? This great video will help you make sure you are safe.

Contest!

WIN a $50 BedBath&Beyond Gift Card!

We know our readers have WONDERFUL ideas and want to hear from you!

What is your best tip for Fire Safety? What have you found that you can share with our readers to help keep them safe?

Two Winners!

Two people will each win one of two Bed Bath& Beyond $50 Gift Cards!

Interested? Just leave your tip below or on our Facebook Page.

Winner will be selected at random and announced on January 23 so give us your best fire safety tip!

Hurricane damage & insurance: what you need to know

Sarah — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 16:01:15 +0000

As those on the East Coast dig out from under the mess caused by Hurricane Irene, many will be reaching out to their insurance agents to discuss and make claims. We thought it might be helpful to outline the kind of damage that is typically covered by different insurance policies (home, car, flood).

What kind of storm damage is typically covered by homeowner’s insurance?

Typically, your homeowner’s insurance will cover the damage (less the deductible) to your house caused by fallen trees or limbs. It will also probably cover the cost of removing the damaged trees & limbs (up to $500 or $1,000 depending on your policy). And should your house be uninhabitable, it will also cover “reasonable living expenses” – just be sure to check with your insurance agent to see what is “reasonable” before booking your room at the Four Seasons.

A lot of communities experienced flooding caused by swollen rivers and tidal surges. If I experienced flooding in my basement or ground floor, is that covered by my homeowner’s insurance?

When it comes to water damage, insurance policy holders need to pay careful attention to the source of the damage. If your roof sustained wind damage and water leaked in because of that – it will be covered by your homeowner’s policy. Ditto if rain seeps into your house because of damaged or overwhelmed gutters and causes damage to the walls and/or ceilings .

However, any water that comes from flooding is not covered by standard homeowner’s or renter’s insurance policies. For that, you will need flood insurance provided by the Federal Government.

If I don’t currently have it, how do I apply for flood insurance so I am covered in the future?

Because floods are typically confined to a few geographic areas, fewer people apply for flood insurance and insurance companies lack a large enough base to cover their costs. In response to this, the federal government stepped in with the National Flood Insurance Program.

According to FloodSmart.gov

In 1968, Congress created the National Flood Insurance Program (NFIP) to help provide a means for property owners to financially protect themselves in the event of a flood. The NFIP offers flood insurance to homeowners, renters, and business owners if their community participates in the NFIP.

Homeowners can also supplement the basic building insurance you get through the government. Companies like Allstate offer comprehensive contents coverage, which ensures items like your washer/dryer, carpet, and furniture are covered in the event of a flood.

What happens if a car was badly damaged – either by falling trees/debris or by water?

If your car was damaged by a falling tree or limb OR by the flooding, you should file a claim under the optional comprehensive portion of your auto policy as it will likely cover both.

Additional information & resources

Most insurance agencies have a wealth of information on their sites about the kind of coverage they offer and tools for helping you determine what you need. Here are links to the big four:
Allstate
State Farm
Geico
Progressive

In addition, I’d be remiss if I failed to point you in the direction of our Valuables.doc – a binder for cataloging the contents of your home. Every homeowner (and renter) should have one of these. It sounds overwhelming – but if you break it down like we have in this binder, going through the items in your home and cataloging them for insurance purposes is pretty painless.

How did you fare with Irene?

Get Ready for Hurricane Irene with this Free Printable

Sarah — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 15:19:27 +0000

Sometimes we all just need a kick in the pants to get ourselves prepared.

That’s why you should post this page to your Facebook page right now. If you’ve got a Twitter account, might as well make the commitment public there too!

To get a copy of the checklist for yourself, click here.

Rare East Coast earthquake rattles & reminds

Sarah — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 23:19:09 +0000

Our office in Tarrytown, NY must be made of strong stuff – we didn’t feel a thing when the waves of the 5.8 magnitude earthquake rolled through our region earlier today! We were lucky.

It just goes to show you that the only thing you can count on is that the unexpected will happen. An earthquake in VA? Highly improbable. And yet, today at around 1:50pm, an earthquake rattled buildings (and frayed a few nerves) up and down the East Coast.

The event reminded me of one of my all time favorite books: The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

The central thesis of the book is essentially that we cannot possibly predict with any certainty what is going to happen in life – not in the markets, not in politics, not in world events, not in our personal lives. In fact, trying to predict or model what’s going to happen only makes us more vulnerable to big, random events (the book calls them “black swans”) because said models lull us into thinking we’re safer than we really are.

I wholeheartedly agree with the premise.

In fact, when I first read the book back in 2008, I came away with a newfound appreciation for a concept that was actually behind the start of GetButtonedUp.com. Namely: expect the unexpected. Better to be prepared than caught unaware.

And prepared doesn’t mean perfect. It doesn’t mean anticipate every possibility. It simply means, in this case, know what your plan is in the event of an emergency – that, and have your important information (medical, insurance, etc.) at the ready. With a basic framework in place, you’ll be able to weather any storm.

In that spirit, if you have yet to get these things in order – go immediately (do not pass go, do not collect $200) and download this free printable designed to help you get your emergency plans in order, or read this article on emergency planning for procrastinators, and get your important information in order.

Just because random things happen doesn’t your life has to be thrown into chaos. Be prepared; get buttoned up.