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Buttoned Up > Everyday Life > Life Balance > The #1 tip for getting through a mid-life-mom-crisis

The #1 tip for getting through a mid-life-mom-crisis

posted by Sarah on July 1, 2013 | print article | e-mail to a friend
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  • Angie Leonard-Garbark

    I would love that bracelet! I am constantly finding myself in comparison mode. We are made unique. It is crazy that we compare ourselves to others. Glad I am not alone in that battle.

  • LiveYourLoveOutLoud

    Truly, you should have a jillion comments here. THANK YOU for catching my eye, as I sit amid my clutter feeling so many of these same things. May I suggest you check out ALex & Ani bracelets instead of a rubber one? I jsut got “Let Creativity Rule!” and want several others. My sweet cousins were wearing them and I bought one for myself. Creative in my work, housekeeping, parenting, love life! I just started follerin’ your blog b/c I loved a few things I found online from it….so YOU are someone I look up to…you might be looking up to some jajillionaire, well I look up to you, So there.

  • Kim

    For
    We dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by
    themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. II Corinthians 10:12 ~ I was asked to memorize this verse in college by a very wise professor. ;)

  • Diane

    Thank you for this. If I didn’t know better, I would think you have stepped into my home and my mind. I make so many comparisons that I don’t even realize it but it is stealing my joy. Another habit to break free from!

  • Sonic Piano

    Do I make comparisons? Let me count the ways…

    I’m 50 years old and post-menopausal. I was diagnosed with celiac disease in October 2012 after being sick for the better part of a year. It’s finally under control through a strict gluten-free diet, healthy whole foods and supplements. I gained back the 11 lbs. I lost, plus a few more. Although I’m happy to have gained back the weight I’m not pleased with the resulting soft middle and know that at my age it’s going to take an awful lot of hard work to tone it up.

    I run a fairly successful private piano studio. I’m happily married to my best friend for 15 years; we’ve been together for 19 years. Our 14-year-old daughter is a bright, mature, academically gifted young lady who so far has given us no trouble.

    So why am I so unhappy? Because I’m 50 years old and haven’t accomplished a third of what I set out to accomplish way back when I was a young, energetic and optimistic college graduate. I compare myself unfavorably to the 20-somethings who have their lives ahead of them, who are full of life and energy and have already accomplished more in two decades than I have in five. I compare my soft midsection and flabby arms/thighs to the naturally tight nubile figures of women half my age.

    I go out to eat, which can be a minefield for a celiac, and see everyone around me happily ordering whatever they like while I’m stuck with a limited menu and worry that the kitchen won’t take the proper precautions to prevent cross-contamination. And I sometimes throw myself a pity party because I often feel like a freak and want that old freedom back.

    I see my daughter’s application to a prestigious magnet high school rejected twice (the second time on appeal) while less-deserving kids sail past her and get in, and I blame myself for not being aggressive enough or better-connected.

    My mother had dinner from scratch on the table every night. Because my piano students are school-age, I have to teach after school and evenings. This seriously cuts into dinner prep and eating time, so I’m lucky I manage to throw an onion into the microwave and serve it on a plate and call it a meal. And I feel so guilty.

    I can go on, but you get the gist. People look at me and think I’ve so put together but inside I’m a roiling mess of hormones and insecurity. Oddly enough I think everyone around me has their stuff together while I’m floundering.

  • Emily

    The comparison thing is the reason I’m pondering logging off of FB for good. If I see one more beach vacation when my husband and I are stuck in work-your-butt-off-summer, I’m going to throw in the towel. If you, too, fall into that trap I’m curious to know if you are able to remind yourself that comparing your everyday to someone else’s highlight reel isn’t fair. Yeah, I can’t do it either. I compare, I judge myself harshly and I’m so emotionally drained because of it.

  • http://www.timestylecoaching.com/ Stacey Vulakh

    First, I’d buy that bracelet!

    Second, snort. Ha!

    Third. You hit the nail on the head – our comparisons mean no.thing. when we continuously compare apples to orangutans, forget about oranges. We compare two vastly and utterly different things and end up feeling worse than ever.

    Get off the comparison train. Even the #6 on a summer Friday is a more pleasant experience!

  • Sonic Piano

    Emily, a good friend once remarked that Facebook is “your life, edited”. The image most people show on FB isn’t real, and if you can remind yourself of that every time you log in you’ll feel much better. Of course, logging off FB isn’t a bad idea; we’re all better off doing something productive. :-)

  • Novella

    Hello! oh how you spoke to my heart!
    Comparison has a been a long struggle for me, it had strong hold over me until I got tired of being tired & drained from the self inflicting painful thoughts.
    I still struggle daily but I find myself stopping the comparison before I get too deep into them.
    Thank you for shining light on the subject

    I would buy a bracelet for myself & as gifts to give out.

  • Kimberly

    I would wear that bracelet all the time. You should make one up on Zazzle.com (I think that’s the site you create stuff and sell it — anyone???).

  • Samantha

    I’d wear that bracelet. :) I’m glad you are working through your comparison guilt. We all do it. I’m trying to be better about it myself.

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